Do you wanna know a story? I'm going to tell you a story. Right from the very beginning. You'll learn that true love can always crumble. That no word can be fully trusted. And that the girl you love may not be the angel you always thought. Now imagine. 22. First date. First love. First true love. Only love. Only true love. First kiss. First hand hold. First everything. Four years. Four entire years. Love. Happiness. Best friends forever. Boyfriend. Girlfriend. We were in an open relationship for awhile. Eventually I decided against the idea. She cried and pleaded "I promise I'll only sleep with you. I don't even want to kiss other guys." We closed our relationship and became boyfriend and girlfriend without the titles. We were even very close to becoming officially boyfriend and girlfriend again. Now days. Merely days later. I see a conversation. She immediately planned to sleep with a complete stranger and disgustingly perverted Internet creep. Holy fucking shit! She ripped my heart out and smashed it with a sludge hammer. She torpedoed me into a black hole. She lied, shattered the trust, and attempted cheating is still cheating. The conversation is an absolute joke. People don't even think it's real. It would actually make a hilarious short film. She gave him her phone number. I even found her where they were going to meet at the specified time. I dropped the printed conversation in front of her on the table and said "This terminates our friendship" before leaving. Guy never showed up. He was an Internet troll.
This is where I should've eternally ceased communication with her. Unfortunately I was so SEVERELY fucked up and wanted so many answers that I called her excessively. Stupid me. A guy picks up the phone. Tells me he's her boyfriend. What the fuck? She tells me he's joking. She also told me she only promised to solely sleep with me because I was bugging her. Bullshit! It's because I didn't want to sleep with her. She later told me she was going to sleep with him because he asked her to. What if he asked her to jump off a bridge? I kept calling only to have a cop call me to tell me that she never wants to see me again. I later see her and she tells me that it's only for five months. She accused me of being associated with the troll which is bullshit. I lashed out on the troll and my comments were uploaded onto YouTube. She tells me she's mad at me for humiliating her at the coffee shop but I only did it out of concern so she'd stop trying to sleep with total weirdos from the Internet. She also tells me she's mad at me for being annoying and that she wasn't really going to sleep with the weirdo. Bullshit! If that's the case then why did her excuse keep changing? Why did she lie to him? Why did she even plan to meet him? For his autograph? Despite everything I still wanted to be her friend again. That's all I wanted. Eventually she told me we'd hang out in just one month. Then I told her about my new girlfriend and she got super jealous. Shortened one month to one week but only if I brought the girlfriend. She even "jokingly" asked me to dump the girl in front of her. One week goes by and she cancels at the very last minute. Tells me she's sick. That's fine but then she ignored me again. Randomly. What the fuck? I broke up with the girlfriend. Too soon. We live five minutes away. I see her and ask her what's going on. She ignores me. I find her again. Ask her what's going on. She walks away.
This is where shit really hit the fan. I kept talking to her. Needed answers. Even tried to block her path and hugged her while crying and saying "I'm sorry. I love you." She wanted to get away from me but I thought displaying enough sadness would eventually get compassion. I really did. I was wrong. I thought she still liked me because she got super jealous. She accused me of assaulting her. Lack of intent. Lack of knowledge. Case dismissed. Why would I hug her if I knew it wouldn't have worked? Stupid friend advised me to play the saxophone for her. She only ran faster. I sank to the ground and said "I just wanna die." She said "Then die." You don't hit someone that's already down. God himself would never say that to Satan and I had a friend that committed suicide after a break up and he never even heard those words. Then she said "I never wanna see you again." This all happened shortly after a bunch of other shit including losing three other best friends. Did she care? Nope. Same cop called again. Didn't stop the phone calls and enormous and excessive E-mails. Some justified and explained everything to her. Every minute detail. Some asked a lot of questions. Some criticized. Some apologized. Some were even happy. Not a single E-mail fixed anything. She refused to listen. She refused to communicate. Hardly replied at all. I should've left her alone but I was so traumatized. Every breath was fire. I went nuts. Freaked out. Was never in this situation before. Didn't know what to do. Didn't know how to act. Didn't know what to say. Tried everything to fix everything but only continued to ruin everything. Left her flowers. Bad move but I don't even know if she ever got them. Made a Rick Astley lip sync video for her. She hated it. Accused me of spreading Internet rumors about her. Only talked about the situation for thoughts and never revealed her identity. Accused me of creeping her Facebook. How? I had her blocked. Accused me of following her. I have to share a bus for tennis practice. So many false accusations.
I admit I did not handle the situation well at all but can you really blame me? I was severely fucked up. Psychologically and emotionally destroyed. My heart still stings. I still feel sick. Complete lack of experience. I even apologized for merely reacting childishly to her cheating. Sounds stupid because it is and that's all I really did. Apologized for something as stupid as that? How pathetic. Then again I really did act childish. She can't forgive the mess she created? Then why should I feel bad at all? Why should I forgive her? Why should I want her back? Her failing to forgive and apologize made me realize that I don't "need" to move on. I "deserve" to. My mind kept changing. Need her back? Need her gone? It finally cleared and I fully realized that I never do want to see her again. Not now. Not ever despite our promise to be friends forever. Am I completely over her? Not yet. It will take a long time. I keep seeing her everywhere I go. She's in my dreams. She's in my thoughts. It's a nightmare. I was scared of losing her but I didn't realize that I already lost her when she cheated. Never would've worked anyway after that. Part of me wants to believe that she never would've slept with that weirdo but the rest of me feels that it's simply bullshit. She barely even defended herself regarding it. Does she hate me because she feels bad? Does she hate me because I reacted childishly? I don't know and I don't care anymore. Was it wrong to react the way I did? Yes but I didn't know any better. I never had my heart broken before. This shit happens to kids when they're 12. Not an adult that's 24. There's a religious reason I never dated before 22. Had I when I was 12 and I would've known what to do from the very beginning. I would've been immune to all the bullshit by now. Worst thing is that she doesn't realize what she's done. She's just going to break someone else's heart. I'm still concerned about her lifestyle. Do you know how dangerous sleeping with complete strangers and total Internet creeps can be? Anyway I just wanted to share my story. Now you know what happened. I'm happy the nightmare is finally over. I will move on and forget about her forever. It will just take some time.
